Pope Declares Obsequiousness No Longer Fashionable; Wants Bishops to Man Up

By The The Pope’s Fool News Service
November 5, 2014

The Popes Fool News Service (We Make Stuff Up)VATICAN CITY (TPF) — Ending an unspoken code that has shaped communications among members of the hierarchy for decades, the Pope has quietly rescinded the practice of obsequiousness, wherein servile deference and fawning to one’s superiors is mirrored by expectations of unwavering obedience from one’s subordinates.

“Enough already,” said the Pope, in his weekly general audience in St. Peter’s Square today. “It’s sad when you see a man who seeks this office and who does so much to get there and when he makes it, he doesn’t serve, but struts like a peacock, living only for his own vanity,” the Pope said. “We don’t need sycophants and servile flatterers.”

Pope Francis

He said he wants the world’s bishops to be servants and shepherds who use their position to care for people and the faith, not to seek power and boost their pride. This is why the role of a bishop “is not a position of prestige or an honorary office,” he said. “It is a service. Jesus wanted it to be like this.”

Our correspondent on the ground in Vatican City reports feelings of confusion and betrayal among the ranks of many of the bishops, Vatican staffers, and Curial hangers-on. “That’s easy enough for the Pope to say,” muttered one. “He hasn’t been here for decades; he hasn’t been living with this stuff day in and day out for years on end. He expects us to change overnight. But it ain’t gonna happen.”