Pope Francis Tells Synod15 Bishops to Butt Out of Communion Discussion

By The The Pope’s Fool News Service
March 29, 2015

The Popes Fool News Service (We Make Stuff Up)VATICAN CITY (TPF) — While generally not one to take topics off the table for discussion (except for the ordination of women), Pope Francis has advised his bishops not to waste a lot of time in the upcoming Synod of Bishops discussing whether divorced and remarried Catholics should continue to be barred from receiving the Eucharist. In his homily earlier this week, the Pope said that the whole question centers on ideology rather than on mercy, so it should be dropped. The bishops should not worry about giving “instructions from on high” and “not be obsessed by the thought of divorced Catholics receiving Communion.” This “focus on appearances” is not important.

Pope FrancisHe further pointed out that the resolution of this question is really not up to them. “When I was a boy, I was taught that the sacraments were instituted by Christ to give grace, and we that receive this grace as long as our souls have the right dispositions. The current Catechism,” he continued,“preserves this teaching. But it does not instruct the clergy to put themselves in the middle of making that judgment.”

As he has done in the past, the Pope warned against being a Church driven by small-minded rules. “Ministers of the Church must be ministers of mercy above all.” Just put the question aside, he advised. Don’t worry about “appearances,” and “leave the sacramental giving of grace where it belongs – between the communicant and God.”

Fearing Conservative Backlash, Synod Bishops Suggest Scripture Change

By The Pope’s Fool News Service
October 16, 2014

The Popes Fool News Service (We Make Stuff Up)VATICAN CITY (TPF) — An updated English translation for the New Testament has been suggested today by a group of bishops attending the Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops in the Vatican. The change would remove the word “welcome” and replace it with “make provision for,” especially in those verses relating to people considered to be the “smelly sheep on the margins.” Cardinal Pizzicato, head of the Pontifical Council for Congregations, explained the impetus behind the change. “For example, in Matthew 25, it would reduce confusion among the faithful if it read, ‘For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you made provision for me.’ And this one,” he continued, “from Luke, describing the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttering about Jesus. ‘This man makes provision for sinners, and eats with them.’ We don’t want to give the wrong impression. The current wording is too vague and liberal sounding. And well have to see about that whole ‘eating with them’ thing,” he said. “We don’t want the faithful to misinterpret the Gospels and think that it’s okay to sin. Going forward, we also think it’s more comfortable to ‘make provision’ for one another as Christ ‘made provision’ for us.”

When asked why only the English translation of the New Testament is being considered for such changes, Cardinal Pizzicato replied, “I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”

Bishops Debate Access to Sacraments for Domestic Abusers

By The Pope’s Fool News Service
October 15, 2014

The Popes Fool News Service (We Make Stuff Up)VATICAN CITY (TPF) — The Extraordinary General Assembly of the Synod of Bishops, called by Pope Francis to discuss topics related to the family and evangelization, has articulated the case both in favor of, and opposed to, lifting the prohibition against taking Communion for people who have been divorced and remarried without first obtaining an annulment. Moving on, the bishops then took up the question of access to the sacraments for those who perpetrate domestic abuse. Some bishops were in favor of extending the ban on access to the sacraments for those who abuse, while others were opposed.

Cardinal Pizzicato, head of the Pontifical Council for Congregations, articulated the position of those advocating for the status quo, where domestic abusers are allowed full access to the sacraments. “I mean it’s pretty easy to pick out the divorced who have remarried without an annulment. But how the heck do you know the abusers? Oh, I expect some of them talk to their parish priests about it,” he continued. “But if they stay married, and if they are open to life and actively involved in the parish, I don’t see how it would work.”

Those hoping to extend the ban to domestic abusers point to the Church’s historic, solemn, and settled teaching on the holiness of the powerless, especially children, the gravely immoral sin of harming the little ones, and the need to be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion.

“You can’t get any more more clear than Matthew,” said Cardinal Corke, head of the Congregation for Pontifical Councils. “We’re talking millstones. Here’s what the Gospel says,” he continued, quoting Matthew 18. “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”

“That’s pretty unequivocal,” said the Cardinal. “Jesus chased away the scribes and Pharisees who wanted to stone the woman taken in adultery. But for those who abuse children, it’s the millstone to the bottom of the sea. Doing anything but extending the ban to domestic abusers, especially when children are present in the family, would be shameful and completely wrong.”